Lost in Love
by Dragons-Twilight1992
Summary: Castle has been heartbroken time and time again. A painful past. When he tells Kate to stop, choose between the case and him. When Kate says no. Castle decides the pain is too much and it was time to let Kate go so he leaves New York. He returns 5 years later and gets kidnapped. What is in his haunted past?
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: All Characters belong to their original owners.**

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**Author's Note: I am Handicapped so please bare that in mind if my spelling is off. I use spell checker**

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**Introduction**

Castle has been heartbroken time and time again. A painful past. When he tells Kate to stop, choose between the case and him. When Kate says no. Castle decides the pain is too much and it was time to let Kate go so he leaves New York. He returns 5 years later and gets kidnapped. What is in his haunted past?

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**Prologue**

"Goodbye", Castle says turning around on Beckett and walking out the door and not looking back

Castle leans against the wall of the building feeling his heart shatter again. He had done everything for her. But it was not enough. He had his own secrets. Every time he thought he could tell Beckett she does something to set him back.

He goes to his apartment and starts packing it was time to move on once again. He pulled out his phone and called Gina.

"Rick what do I owe this pleasure?" Gina asks

"I am just ringing to tell you I am retiring from writing. Nikki Heat Series will not be finished. I am done", Castle says

"You ca…"

"I will pay the fee. Expect my check in the mail. Goodbye Gina", Castle says hanging up

Castle goes to his safe and gets some papers that had his alias's on it. He decided to choose Alexander Rodgers. He picks up the phone and makes a call.

"Hi Dad", a male voice says

"Zander I am coming to stay with you. I am leaving New York", Castle says

"I will get the bedroom made up. What time to I expect you to arrive?" Zander asks

"In a couple of days", Castle says hanging up

"Richard your leaving", Martha states coming in, "What happened?"

"I am not ready to talk about it", Castle says, "I am going away from New York. I am not coming back. I am not Richard Castle anymore. I tried being him but it didn't work out"

"Are you going back to the Army or Police Force?" Martha asks

"I don't know yet. But I am done being here", Castle says picking up his suitcase and limping out of the room, "You can keep the Loft mother. I will contact everyone when I am settled"

With that he was out of the door.

"Oh Richard", Martha says a tear slipping out her eye

He bought a set to Seattle a place he normally went once a year. Once in Seattle he goes to his sons home and puts his bag in the spare room and leaves to the cemetery. Walking the familiar rows. He reaches three graves and traces the names on each. Tears run down his face remembering the time.

"I love all of you", Castle says kissing each grave

He walks to a bar and starts to drink and drink thinking of the betrayal, he loses everything. He gets so drunk he doesn't know where he is in the morning with a woman besides him. This had happened many times before.

"What to go for seconds", the woman asks

"Maybe another time", Richard says handing her his sons card and leaves

Richard continued this routine for two months his family was worried about him.

"Dad someone is here to see you", Zander says

Richard goes and sees the woman he slept with he couldn't remember how long ago.

"What are you doing here?" Richard asks

"You gave me your card. I am pregnant. I am pretty sure it is yours. I don't want the baby. I HATE children. But I am not a murderer. So I will carry this baby and you will take it after it is born and we will never see each other again"

Richard was stunned another child.

"Deal", Richard says

Richard decided it was maybe time to clean up his act. Again…

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_New York_

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It had been a week and Kate couldn't stop thinking about what happened. Castle hasn't been to the precinct since. Kate hadn't had the courage to go and see him.

"Yo Beckett listen to this", Esposito says motioning to the TV

"What is it?" Kate asks

"It's a press conference. The headline is about Castle", Ryan says

'Everyone thank you for coming. I have the sad news to break that Richard Castle has decided to retire from his writing. Unfortunately that includes not finishing the Nikki Heat series and his work with the NYPD', Gina says

The crowd goes wild. Kate felt sick. What had happened?

'Why did Mr Castle retire?' a reporter asks

'I honestly don't know. As of now Richard Castle is no longer a writer'

"Beckett did you know?" Ryan asks

"Why did he just leave?" Esposito asks

Kate tells them and they pale.

"How could you do it to him?!" Esposito says loudly

"I wasn't thinking", Kate says

"Why haven't you tried to fix this?" Ryan asks only just less angry then Esposito

"I was sure it would blow over. Anyway he betrayed me", Kate says

"You know that is bull. He has always had your back! What the hell were you thinking?!" Esposito yells

"I…", Kate starts

"Don't", Esposito says stalking away with Ryan just behind him

Kate knew she had to try and fix this. She tries Castle's number.

"_The number you have dialled has been disconnected"_

Kate picks up her jacket deciding she needed to see him. Something was wrong. Arriving at his Loft she knocks on the door. To her surprise Martha opens.

"Detective Beckett", Martha says coldly

"I came to speak to Castle. Is he in?" Kate asks

"Even if he was I would not let you see him. He left", Martha says

"Where too?" Kate asks

"That is not something I am going to tell you", Martha says shutting the door

Kate left her heart was racing was he really gone? Left New York? She allows tears to fall. She goes to the precinct and tries tracking Castle down but it was no good he had disappeared. She had to make this right but how could she find Castle?

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**Author's Note: What do you think? Please review and i'll update as soon as I can:)**


	2. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: I have surgery coming up. I will be out of commission for a bit.**

**On a happier not Happy 22nd Birthday to me:)**

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**Chapter .1.**

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_5 years later…_

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Richard Castle was no more. Now it was Alexander Rodgers. 5 years ago when he left New York he had been a mess. But then he found himself going to be a father again by two women. Pushed him into going back to therapy. His family was really supportive. All his children understood there father had a tragic past.

In 2012 he had two children born only days apart Grace Mira Rodgers and Robert George Rodgers. Like all his children they bought a smile to his face and the will to go on.

Every day he came home to his two youngest children. He had moved to San Francisco after they were born. A fresh start. He got re-qualified as a Police Officer. With his weapons training and history off over work the San Francisco PD took him he made his way to Detective in his first year. He was smart and quick on his feet that got him high up in the ranks of the police department.

He was the fastest raise in ranks in the police force something he could be proud off. At 45 he was in his prime when he was surprising promoted to Captain.

His life had changed he didn't think about the 12th or anyone from it anymore. With a high priced therapist he was seeing weekly he had made a turn around. But his heart still belonged to two women. His therapist Dr Cole asked him if he regretted walking out of the life of Kate Beckett. Alex didn't really know. Dr Cole asked if he ever used his Police power to track her down and see how she was doing. He said no he couldn't bring himself to do it.

Nobody from his old life had found him. His mother was still in New York at the Loft. She knew where he was. But she never told anyone.

Captain Alexander Rodgers gets home and grabs the mail and goes inside.

"I am home!" Alex calls

"Daddy!" Grace says

"Daddy!" Robert says

Alex picks them both up and hugs them.

"Had a good day?" Alex asks

"Yes. Missed you", Grace says snuggling into her fathers arms

"I missed you to both of you my saving graces", Alexander says

"Captain Rodgers I will be going now", the babysitter says

"Thank you", Alex says paying her and seeing her out

The phone rings as he was opening his mail.

"Richard", his mother says

"Mother how can I help you?" Alex asks opening a letter and reading it at the same time

"I want to gather everyone at the Loft for a party. I want to see all my Grandchildren and Great Grandchildren. I have called everyone and they said they are free in a week. So they are all coming. Will you come?" Martha asks

"Mother I…", Alex stops looking at the letter

"Richard?" Martha asks

"Yes I am still here. We will come. I just have to organise some leave time. But I should be in New York with Grace and Robert in a week", Alex says

"I will see you then Richard", Martha says hanging up

Alex dials his precinct number.

"Michaels I need you to run an address for me", Alex says reading of the envelope of the letter

"It is fake Sir. What is going on Sir?" Detective Michaels asks

"I just received a death threat"

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_New York_

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_7 days later…_

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Kate couldn't understand why she never found Castle. The 5 years that had past she had looked for him. He hadn't been seen.

Kate felt lonely and without Castle by her side she felt incomplete. Esposito and Ryan had treated her coldly in the beginning but after seeing how hard she was working to fix her mistake made them be nicer to her. They had tried to help her find him. But he had disappeared. And Martha wasn't talking to them.

Kate, Ryan and Esposito where canvassing houses when they see two small children running looking frightened.

"Are you two alright?" Kate asks

The little boy puts the girl behind him.

"You won't take us!" the little boy declares

"I am with the NYPD I am a Detective see. My name is Kate", Kate says showing her badge, "Where is your mother or father?"

"We don't have a mummy. Only a Daddy. Bad men just took him", the little girl says crying

"Where did they take your Daddy?" Kate asks gently

"From the park. Daddy took us there before we saw Grams", the little boy says

"What are your names?" Kate asks

"I am Robert and this is my sister Grace", Robert says, "Daddy told us to call Grams if we got separated"

"Do you know her number?" Kate asks

"Daddy made us remember it", Robert says

"Do you want to call her?" Kate asks handing over her phone

Robert takes it and dials the number.

"Espo, Ryan go to the park and see if you can find anything. Looks like we have another case", Kate says

"Detective my grams what's to talk to you", Robert says handing the phone to Kate

"This is Detective Kate Beckett", Kate says

"Katherine it is me Martha. I believe you have my grandchildren"

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**Author's Note: What do you think? Please review:)**


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